26 Feb Managing Anxiety Series (Post 3)
Let’s start with a quick recap …
In posts 1 and 2 I suggested you practice acceptance and then focus on change. Accept your feelings of anxiety, but also remind yourself that there are some aspects of what’s going on you can change, some positive and constructive actions you can take.
Well, today, we’re going to extend those “actions” and “change” to … changing the way you think about the stressor or situation that’s triggering your anxiety.
At the risk of oversimplifying, anxiety is a complex reaction based on the belief that something “dangerous” is going to happen. It involves physiological components (e.g. increased heart rate, muscle tension etc), cognitive components (e.g. racing and catastrophic thoughts), and behavioural components (e.g. avoidance and/or escape).
This post is about the cognitive components; and it’s based on the proven notion that the way we think about what’s going on is just as important as what’s actually going on.
Even more so, this idea tells us that if we change how we think about what’s going on, we’ll also be changing how we feel about and how we behave within the situation. And the good news is we definitely can change the way we think about what’s going on. It’s not always easy, but with practice it’s definitely possible.
To begin with, make an effort to be mindful of the thoughts you have, especially when anxiety starts to rear it’s ugly head. What do you say to yourself? What goes through your mind?
Not all of these thoughts will be “bad”, but some will almost certainly be unrealistic and unhelpful. These are the ones we want to focus on.
Once you’re aware of your thoughts, ask yourself … are these thoughts realistic? Am I catastrophising? Are these thoughts helping me cope?
What you can then practise doing is debating yourself the way you might debate a friend of a colleague. Because thoughts aren’t facts. Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true. And if your thoughts are not true or helpful, then it serves no one for you to keep thinking them.
Which brings us to the final step which is to ask yourself another set of questions, essentially aimed at determining … is there another way I can think in this situation what would be more constructive; that would help me stay calmer, cope better, and achieve a better outcome? If so, practice that thought as often as you can.
Actually, there is one more step; which is necessary because this whole process is difficult, and will take time to accomplish. So the final step is to practice self-compassion; to be kind to yourself when you slip back into old habits (because you will). Give yourself a pat on the back when you make some progress but also give yourself a gentle hug if or when you struggle.
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PPS: if you’d like to delve deeper into strategies for managing anxiety, you might like to explore my Audible audiobook series (including Habits for Managing Anxiety) which are all FREE for Audible subscribers. Just search for “Dr Tim Sharp” or “Habits for Managing Anxiety” and … listen away : )