23 Oct Have you heard of active-constructive responding?
Much of the psychology research, and the strategies that develop out of that, tend to focus on how we, as individuals, respond to our own inner experiences like our thoughts and feelings.
All of which is very important.
But what’s also important is how others respond to us, and how we respond to others! In fact, it’s VERY important.
Before I started focusing on Positive Psychology, my earlier work in Clinical Psychology was mostly in pain management; and my PhD research specifically focused on the responses of “significant others” (e.g. spouses and partners, children and parents) and how that impacted on the patients’ ratings of pain intensity, as well as the related levels of distress and disfunction.
In short, if partners responded in certain ways, patients reported more pain and more distress and disfunction. Alternatively, if they responded in more helpful ways, patients coped and fared much better.
What was the secret?
Well, in short, the “best” responses were what we called “supportive”. That is, they showed empathy but didn’t take over their partners’ activities. They helped without taking away the other’s agency.
Not all that surprisingly, similar results have been found when researching teams and organisations.
What makes the best managers (and even colleagues or parents)?
Those who respond in what we call an active-constructive way. That is, they respond (particularly to positive news) with positive emotion and encouragement, they show curiosity and interest in the other person and how they achieved their success, they ask questions and listen, with genuine interest.
The quality of your life, then doesn’t just depend on what you do; it also depends on how those around you respond to you. And in the same way, how you respond can determine, at least in part, the quality of the lives of all those around you (colleagues, children, partners, friends and more).