05 Feb By all means strive to be happier BUT …
As the Chief Happiness Officer of The Happiness Institute, as someone with 3 degrees in psychology and more than 3 decades experience working as a clinical academic psychologist, then a positive psychologist coach and consultant, I have no qualms about arguing the case for happiness.
I’m not just talking about superficial fun or play here, or putting on a fake smile (although these things may well have a place). Rather, what I’m talking about here is real and meaningful happiness, genuine happiness, authentic happiness; the type of happiness that some might actually call life satisfaction.
But let’s not get bogged down in definitions today. Let’s, instead, quickly look at WHY I (and many others) advocate for happiness!
Several decades of research now clearly shows that happier people tend to …
- be healthier
- score higher on resilience
- live longer
- have better quality relationships
- out perform unhappy and pessimistic people on many measures
- be more altruistic and kind
- contribute more to society
- and, well, I could go on
But the point is, happiness isn’t just about feeling good, it’s also about doing good. Happy people aren’t selfish, they are, in face, more generous and giving. Happiness doesn’t just benefit the individual, REAL happiness benefits all those around that person.
All of which is great, but …
If you’re even remotely interested in research, really understanding research, there’s almost always a “but”, a qualifier. And when it comes to happiness there are, in face, several “buts”. And the “but” on which I want to focus here and now is the one that comes are the recommendation to strive to be happy (or happier).
As noted in the title of this post, by all means strive to be happy but … don’t expect to be happy ALL the time!
Why? Because just as happiness serves many useful purposes so too does unhappiness. The so-called negative emotions, like sadness and depression, anxiety and anger, are necessary and appropriate at times. We might not want too much of them but we do need some of them.
So, along with striving for happiness, strive also for acceptance … acceptance of distress, or discomfort, of pain and even of suffering. By all means do what you can to ameliorate these as best and as soon as you can, but don’t expect to avoid them all together or you’ll just create more unhappiness in the form of frustration and disappointment.