25 Sep What if you thought about happiness in a way that had less to do with how you feel?
Happiness, it’s a word that means so many different things to so many different people.
For most, happiness describes a fleeting feeling; it’s an emotion that comes and goes, sometimes lasting only a few seconds and other times, minutes or hours.
For others, happiness is more a synonym for life satisfaction. More than just “how do I feel now”, this type of happiness is more about “taking everything into account, how good is my life overall?”
Both these ways of thinking about happiness are valid and useful. But there’s little doubt that too many of us focus too much on the former, creating a situation where our “happiness” fluctuates, sometimes radically, and often depending on what’s going on around us. The other “problem” with the first type of happiness is that it’s somewhat self-centred. It’s all about “me”.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with thinking about and taking care of ourselves, but if we look at the research, one of the strongest findings is that THE MOST SIGNIFICANT CONTRIBUTOR to thriving and flourishing and REAL happiness (not to mention longevity) is connection, and belonging, and the quality of our relationships.
Other people matter, and so our happiness is intimately connected to the happiness of others, and our happiness is something that includes the happiness of others.
There’s a fascinating African concept referred to as “Ubuntu” which basically means, “I am what I am because of who we all are”. Related to this construct of “other humanity” one could ask, “can I be happy if others aren’t happy?”
In some ways, the answer has to be yes, because there will always be others who’re unhappy and I don’t think anyone would then think that everyone should always be miserable. At the same time, however, being more selfless and thinking more of others, taking a more community based approach when making decisions rather than just focusing on self-interest, would most likely benefit all. Actually, not most likely, definitely. We know this from the research.
To cite just one example, when we look at the “Happiest Countries in the World” they’re countries whose politics and public policies inevitably focus on equality and fairness, on support and care. The wealthier or “luckier” sacrifice a bit, so the majority can enjoy more. And notably, this even benefits those who give more.
So, next time you’re reflecting on your happiness, or making a decision, give some thought not just to what might be best for you, but also to what might be best for all. If you’ve not considered this much in the past, you might be surprised to learn that making others happy is a GREAT way to make yourself happy!