29 May The Healing Power of Reconciliation: How Mending Relationships Boosts Health and Well-Being
Here in Australia, this week is National Reconciliation Week (see HERE) and I was asked by my friends at batyr if I could shape my regular “health and wellbeing” session to align with this theme.
Now, before going on, let me be 100% clear; I’m NOT an expert in aboriginal or indigenous issues, let alone reconciliation in this context, BUT the idea of reconciliation IS something that’s important for healthy relationships generally, which is important for happiness and wellbeing generally, and these are things I might be considered to be expert in AND SO this is what I’m writing about today.
With that out of the way, keep reading below …
Reconciliation—restoring harmony after conflict or estrangement—is more than a moral ideal or spiritual goal. It is a powerful mechanism for promoting psychological and physical health. Increasingly, science supports the idea that reconciling with others not only heals relationships but also profoundly benefits our personal well-being.
The Stress of Conflict
Human beings are inherently social creatures. When relationships break down—whether due to betrayal, resentment, or misunderstanding—the resulting stress can be long-lasting. According to research from the American Psychological Association, interpersonal conflict is one of the most significant sources of chronic stress, particularly in close relationships such as those with family, romantic partners, or close friends.
Chronic stress, in turn, is a well-established risk factor for a wide range of health issues, including high blood pressure, heart disease, weakened immune function, anxiety, and depression. One study published in the Journal of Psychosomatic Research found that unresolved interpersonal conflict significantly increases cortisol levels, the body’s primary stress hormone, which can contribute to inflammation and cellular aging.
The Health Benefits of Reconciliation
Reconciliation has the potential to reverse or reduce many of the harmful effects caused by conflict. Here’s how:
1. Reduces Physiological Stress
When reconciliation occurs, it typically brings a sense of closure, relief, and emotional release. Studies using biomarkers such as cortisol, heart rate variability, and blood pressure show that people who reconcile with others experience significant reductions in stress-related physiological symptoms.
In one longitudinal study conducted by researchers at the University of Miami, individuals who forgave others and repaired relationships showed better heart health over time compared to those who held onto grudges. These participants also reported fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety.
2. Improves Mental Health
Reconciliation is closely tied to forgiveness, empathy, and emotional processing—all of which are associated with improved psychological well-being. According to a meta-analysis published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, people who engage in forgiveness-based reconciliation experience improvements in self-esteem, life satisfaction, and reductions in depressive symptoms.
Rebuilding trust and connection helps reduce feelings of anger, shame, and resentment. This can be particularly transformative in relationships where long-standing tensions have caused emotional withdrawal or isolation.
3. Strengthens Social Support Networks
One of the most well-documented predictors of long-term health is the strength of one’s social support network. Reconciliation can restore and even strengthen these social ties, which serve as protective buffers against the psychological and physical tolls of stress.
A Harvard study tracking participants for over 75 years found that quality of relationships was the strongest predictor of health and happiness in later life—more so than wealth, fame, or even genetic predisposition. Reconciliation can re-establish meaningful connections that provide emotional safety, support, and belonging.
Challenges and Misconceptions
It’s important to note that reconciliation does not mean forgetting past harm or condoning hurtful behavior. Nor does it always involve restoring the relationship to its previous form. In some cases, reconciliation may simply mean reaching a point of mutual understanding or emotional closure—what researchers call “emotional reconciliation.”
For reconciliation to be truly healing, it must be voluntary, safe, and ideally mutual. In cases of abuse or ongoing harm, reconciliation may not be advisable, and the priority should always be on personal safety and well-being.
Cultivating Reconciliation in Daily Life
Practicing reconciliation starts with self-awareness and compassion. Here are a few science-informed strategies:
-
Reflect: Journaling or therapy can help clarify your emotions and needs regarding the conflict.
-
Empathise: Try to understand the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree with it.
-
Communicate: Engage in honest, non-defensive dialogue that focuses on feelings rather than blame.
-
Forgive: Research shows that forgiveness, even if it’s unilateral, reduces psychological distress and improves emotional regulation.
Conclusion
Reconciliation is not a sign of weakness, but a proactive step toward healing and health. By mending fractured relationships—or finding peace within them—we lighten our emotional load, reduce harmful stress, and pave the way for deeper well-being. In a world often marked by division, the act of reconciling may be one of the most powerful prescriptions for both individual and collective health.