10 Sep You will only be happy when you’re happy with the essence of who you really are
You can change.
We call can change.
As someone who’s worked as a clinical psychologist, executive coach, consultant and mentor I’ve collaborated with individuals in all sorts of contexts and in many cases, guided them towards making positive changes in the way they think about and behave in the world, as well as how they interact with others (and themselves).
So again, let me be clear, change is possible.
At the same time, however, I think many of us try to change aspects of ourselves that are not amenable to change; at least not quickly or easily. There’s pretty good research that suggests we’re all born with a type of temperament (a bit like personality but not exactly the same) that’s essentially who we are.
This isn’t necessarily set in concrete; but it’s pretty damn set in something.
What does this mean?
It means if we try to change these aspects of ourselves, the aspects that are who we really are, we’re probably setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment.
We can’t ever really be happy if we’re not happy with ourselves, and following on from the above, that means coming to terms with our essential ingredients.
For me, this is very much about being highly sensitive. For most of my life, I’ve tried to change this, to manage this, to dampen down all the very many feelings I feel about so many things! And it’s just not worked.
More recently, therefore, I’ve been trying to accept who I am; and who I am is a very sensitive, feeling person. This isn’t all bad, in fact it’s very good in many ways.
Although it’s painful at times to feel so much, it also means I care a lot and try really hard to be good! And so I’m striving to accept the difficult aspects of my inner self whilst also remember the positive strengths that are two sides of the same coin.
What about you? Rather than trying to change some aspect of yourself, is there a way you can positively reframe that quality and use it as a super power? If so, I suspect you might find a bit more happiness to enjoy!