02 Sep How to be kind to yourself
Life can be hard and we can struggle at times to get it right.
In fact, even if it’s not that hard, because we’re all humans, which means we’re fallible, we’ll make mistakes.
All of which is OK; unless, that is, you don’t allow it to be OK.
Making mistakes isn’t really the problem. The problem is when we beat ourselves up for making mistakes. The problem is when we expect ourselves to be perfect, or faultless, or anything unrealistic and then hit the reality which leads to disappointment, frustration or worse.
The good news is there’s a solution; and it’s a relatively simple solution (although as is often the case, simple doesn’t always mean easy).
The solution lies in the practice of self-compassion, something which for me has been one of the most important strategies in recent years (and something which I wish I’d focused on and mastered much earlier).
There are several models of self-compassion but the one that I use most often can be thought of as having 3 steps:
- first up comes mindfulness; not the meditation type but the type that involves non-judgemental observation. Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings, especially if or when you’re going through a difficult time of some sort
- second, comes kindness. Try to treat yourself with the same kindness, the same gentle compassion you’d treat another, especially someone you love and care for. So many of us treat others better than we treat ourselves, but if we can give ourselves the same patience and love we give to others we’d be much better off
- and finally, remember that because we’re all human we all, to some extent or other, have these experiences and so can benefit from these strategies. In fact, remembering this can create a form of connection and help us realise we’re not alone!
So there it is. As noted, a simple even if not always easy way to treat ourselves better and as a result, to live better!