11 Jul How do I cope when I feel let down by others
Today’s short and practical post began with a carefully worded header. Note, I didn’t write “when others let me down” but rather, “when I feel let down by others”.
What’s the difference?
Well, the later recognises that the real issue is MY response. Sure, others might have contributed to the situation and to my emotions in some way, but the crux of the matter is that I need to take responsibility for MY emotions. That’s where it all begins.
Once I’ve acknowledged that, I can focus on what I can do. And this is what I try to do:
- accept that for me, based on many years of experience, more often than not my disappointment stems from unrealistic expectations about how things “should” be or how I “should” be. Although I might like the world to be a certain way, it’s often not, so the first thing I try to do is adjust my expectations to be more real. A simple way to do this is to note that “I’d like” things to be a certain way but they’re often not. My preference isn’t always reality.
- along with this, I’ve learned over the years that more often than not, people don’t upset me or let me down intentionally! They’re human, as I am, and as humans we all make mistakes. Practising acceptance and forgiveness in most situations is not just warranted but extremely helpful and healthy.
- on top of this, I try to ask myself something like, “is it really that bad?” or even, “is there a way this might even be good?”. The latter question can’t always be answered in the affirmative but the former, can usually be answered with a “not that bad really” and even if it is bad, “it won’t last that long”.
All up, then perspective and acceptance and compassion and realistic expectations are all answers to the problem of disappointment. And when I’m able to think about it like this, my unhappiness typically dissipates pretty quickly.