09 Nov Q & A with Dr Happy – how do I make new friends
This week’s reader’s question comes from Lauren who among other things asked, “How do I make new friends?”
This is actually a more common concern than many would realise, Loneliness and isolation are at, some suggest, epidemic levels. And it’s a BIG problem because loneliness is, in short, a killer. It’s associated with poorer mental and physical health outcomes, as well as reduced longevity.
On the other hand, having good quality relationships, feeling connected and/or a sense of belonging, is associated with health and happiness, wellbeing and pretty much every positive life indicator you can imagine.
If I were to summarise THE MOST IMPORTANT findings from research into psychological wellbeing, mental health, happiness and more it could easily be … friendships are the miracle “drug” we all need more of.
So, with that in mind, and in response to Lauren, here are some top tips for making new friends (or for strengthening existing friendships):
- This isn’t really about making NEW friends but more so, building on existing friendships. It’s sometimes said that the grass is always greener on the other side; but the reality is that the grass is green where it’s watered and cared for. So, start with what you have. Attend to those friendships and relationships you have in your life and give them some love and attention. Make the most of them before looking to forge anything new
- That being said, new friendships are sometimes needed (for all sorts of reasons). So, look for new friends where you might expect to find people with whom you have something in common! Join a club or community where you’ll find those with similar interests. It might be reading or cooking, bushwalking or philosophy! It doesn’t really matter. But a new friendship might come more easily if you have at least one interest shared
- Volunteer. This can bring many benefits. There’s no doubt that doing good will help you feel good; but it’s also likely that the other volunteers you meet might be potential buddies. A win – win!
- Try something new. Putting yourself out there can be difficult, and you might feel vulnerable. But you might also discover a new passion and more so, you might discover new people with whom you can share that passion
- Make this goal, of establishing new friends, a priority. Like many things in life, many of us know what we could or should do. But we often don’t do it! We often let other things get in the way. But if this is important, and it should be, then put it at the top of your to-do list and dedicate some time each and every day or week to connecting, and to fostering and developing these vital components of living a happy and good life
Happiness is not a solo-sport. Happiness is very much about who we spend time with and how we spend our time. So get out there and meet as many people as you can. Not all of them will become your best friends, but that’s OK, you only need one or two to really enjoy the benefits of connection and relatedness.