18 Jul 1 Simple Rule to Turn Regret into Instant Happiness
Regret. So inevitable and mostly, so painful.
Some say we should live our lives without regret. But I think that would be impossible; and probably unhealthy.
But regret need not be all bad; at least, in can be turned into good. If you do the right things with regret, you might even be able to turn it into happiness!
Does that sound good? Enjoying more happiness? If so, read on …
via Inc.com by Nick Hobson
They pay attention to the ‘couldas’, not the ‘shouldas’.
Everyone experiences regret. It’s part of life. Whether you bemoan doing something you wish you hadn’t or miss doing something you wish you had, regret is a universal emotion. It’s what you do with that regret that makes all the difference.
People high in emotional intelligence recognize that not all regrets are cut from the same cloth. They also know that there’s a certain power to experiencing regret: improving oneself for the better.
As psychologists have shown, much of it comes down to a sense of identity and what we could have achieved versus what we should have achieved in life. People high in EQ tend to use the rule of ‘couldas’ to improve themselves – not the ‘shouldas’.
Couldas vs shouldas
In one study, scientists proposed that a person’s most enduring regrets are more likely to stem from the discrepancies between actual and “ideal” selves, rather than between actual and “ought” selves. Put simply, you are much more likely to dwell on all you could have been than on all you should have been.
The distinction between the couldas and the shouldas is related to how you carve up your sense of self.
According to psychologist Edward Higgins, a person’s sense of self is made up of three components: actual, ideal, and ought selves.
The “actual self” is your own basic self-concept, your representation of the traits and qualities you believe you possess. Your “ideal self” is the representation of attributes you would like to have ideally, be it related to your future goals, wishes, etc. Lastly, your “ought self” is your representation of the qualities you believe you should possess, based on duties and obligations that are socially rooted.
When there is a discrepancy between any of these selves, a number of negative emotions are bound to arise. Specifically, emotions such as disappointment and sadness result from the belief that you are not living up to your “ideal” self. In contrast, if you believe you are failing to live up to your “ought” self, you are more likely to experience emotions such as guilt, shame, and fear…
… keep reading the full & original article HERE