20 Apr Embracing the Dark Side of Life
We all want happiness.
To be happy, in a real and authentic way, is quite possibly the ultimate goal.
But it’s absolutely true to note that we can’t be happy ALL the time.
Happiness is not constant; and unhappiness is a normal and appropriate part of life.
The so-called negative emotions, like anxiety and stress and sadness and anger are all … appropriate at times.
How we manage this is crucial. Too many of us try to “fight” them when the research suggests that acceptance is more likely a much more effective approach …
via Psychology Today by Jodi Wellman
KEY POINTS
- Humans actually deteriorate without challenges and adversity placed on their bodies and minds.
- People reach their peak levels of fulfillment and development because of—not just in spite of—setbacks, failures and traumas.
- Courageously confronting death helps people live with more meaning and vitality.
Photo by Nagara Oyodo on Unsplash
Earthquakes, bankruptcies, gut-wrenching heartbreak, pandemics, fender benders … just as no one gets out of life alive, no one escapes life unscathed by the negative events and emotions—big and small—that are part of the human experience.
Rather counterintuitive in a world that favors comfort, convenience, and sheer and utter pleasure is the idea that humans actually deteriorate without challenges and adversity placed on our bodies and minds (Lukianoff & Haidt, 2018). The hedonic pursuit of happiness, characterized by the maximization of positive emotions and the minimization of negative ones (Peterson, 2006) is a well-worn path for most of us: Dial the pleasure up, turn the displeasure switch off. Embracing challenges in our lives may ultimately lead to positivity. If our goal is to lead flourishing lives, an acceptance—a radical welcoming, even—of the negative side of life may help pave the way.
Appropriate negativity
Barbara Fredrickson (2009) nods to appropriate negativity as a key ingredient in lives worth living. She makes an apt distinction between the negative emotions worth entertaining (anger, conflict, and guilt) and the ones worth diminishing (shame, disgust, and contempt). Fredrickson (2009) further asserts that appropriate negativity grounds us in a gravity-filled reality, in a healthy counterbalance to levity-filled positivity which positions us to flourish.
A judicious application of pessimism, contends Marty Seligman (1990), enables us to appreciate reality more accurately—especially valuable in contrast to unwavering moments of optimism that can cause us to distort the reality of a situation.
The adversity hypothesis
Furthering his admonishment for the “what doesn’t kill you makes you weaker” ethos in our current society, Jonathan Haidt (2006) introduces the adversity hypothesis, that we reach our peak levels of fulfillment and development because of—not just in spite of—the setbacks, failures, and traumas that the cards of life deal us. A benefit of adversity is that it helps orient us to a more present-filled mindset with clarified priorities (Haidt, 2006). Life goals often change in the aftermath of trauma, when various happiness traps (such as money, choice, and conspicuous consumption) carry less weight (Haidt, 2006). The ways in which we struggle during adverse circumstances can lead to the experience of post-traumatic growth, where we encounter growth and development that surpasses our pre-crisis state (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004). The fact that 30-70 percent of individuals who undergo a traumatic event emerge with positive change is a testament to the power of adversity (Linley & Joseph, 2004)…
… keep reading the full & original article HERE