Four ways to engage with what matters to you.

Four ways to engage with what matters to you.

Happiness and success largely come from habits.

But for habits to become entrenched, over the long-term, they need to come from a powerful “why?”

Your “why” is a reflection, in many ways, of your values and so real happiness is always driven by values …

via Psychology Today by Lizabeth Roemer


  • Once we clarify and refine what matters to us, we can use different strategies to change our behavior.
  • We can use self-monitoring and behavioral plans to begin taking small values-based actions during the week.
  • When overwhelmed with intense emotions, we can consider values-based actions to take in the moment or over time.

New possibilities

In the last two posts, we have explored how to clarify what is important to us. Clarifying and refining our values is an ongoing, iterative process. However, once we have identified some directions and confirmed these are areas in which we can choose our actions, we are ready to start intentionally engaging in new values-based actions. This takes attention and effort because we have developed habits that have disconnected us from what matters to us. Now we have to begin developing new habits of approaching meaningful actions.

Noticing Opportunities

Too often, we have gotten used to not even considering values-based actions. For instance, we may have grown accustomed to avoiding any experience of social anxiety so that when someone asks us to get a cup of coffee or have lunch, we automatically say no without thinking about it. Or we may have become used to considering other people‚Äôs feelings so much that we do not even consider asking for what we want or need.

One way to address this is to begin monitoring or noticing when there is an opportunity to try out a new behavior that is consistent with our values. We can start by reviewing our list of value directions and choosing one or two areas that we want to pay attention to in the coming week. We may want to choose areas that feel particularly important to us or where we feel there is the greatest discrepancy between how we want to be living our lives and the choices we have been making. It can also be helpful to start with an area in which it feels like we are most likely to be able to make a change successfully.

Then we can use a notebook, an online form, or a notes app to jot down any time we notice an opportunity to meet this value. If we want to connect with others more, we might notice whether or not we spoke to someone in the elevator or at the coffee shop or whether we responded to a text from a friend or accepted a social invitation. As we notice whether or not we take these opportunities, we can also reflect on what gets in the way when we do not take a potential action. Often, just noticing will help us begin to take these opportunities…

… keep reading the full & original article HERE