25 Feb Why Allowing Ourselves to Be Sad Is Important for Well-Being
I talk a lot about thriving and flourishing and happiness and wellbeing.
And I mean a lot!
Pretty much every single day, in some way or other, I speak to others or write for others about psychological contributors to, and often also obstacles to, health and wellbeing and happiness and mental-health.
But even when my focus is on happiness, one of the first things I almost always touch on is the fact that no one is, or should expect to be happy all the time.
It’s OK not to be OK all the time.
It’s OK to be sad or anxious, angry or frustrated.
Allowing ourselves to feel all the emotions is a crucial component of REAL wellbeing …
via Psychology Today by Suzie and James Pawelski
It’s hard to ignore the fact that today is Valentine’s Day. Red paper hearts decorate commercial storefronts everywhere. Advertisements abound on television and social media reminding us to buy our sweetheart a romantic gift. And florists and restaurants vie for our attention with special offers for our significant other.
However, what happens if we are not in a relationship? Perhaps we recently experienced a loss? Or, what if we are not feeling particularly upbeat? Should we pretend to feel this way because it’s expected of us on Valentine’s Day or any other day?
“Faking it till you make it” doesn’t always work
If you’re not feeling particularly joyous today, that’s fine. Pretending that you are doesn’t help you or your partner. It’s important to talk about our challenges and how we can better improve our relationship. Forcing yourself to feel happy doesn’t usually help. In fact, it can backfire and make us feel worse.
And if we are parents, we also have to remember that our behavior has an impact on our children. We are role models to them. They are always watching and learning from us. We are responsible for what they learn. How we act and respond in times of loss can have a positive or negative effect on our kids.
Don’t rush to see silver linings too quickly
Being optimistic is beneficial to our lives, of course. However, if a loved one—a partner, friend, or child perhaps—is struggling over a recent loss, it’s important we acknowledge what they’re experiencing and where they are in the grieving process, and not push them prematurely to positivity.
For example, here in Philadelphia, many of us are incredibly sad about our beloved Eagles’ heartbreaking loss on Sunday. This can be especially hard on kids. We spoke with a Philadelphia Inquirer mental health reporter about how to help our kids process the loss.
One of the tips we suggested is to allow them to experience the sadness and not to rush to put a positive spin or silver lining on the situation too quickly, as one of us has done in the past.
“It’s OK to be sad,” I (Suzie) told the reporter. You have to give yourself time to, not wallow in it, but acknowledge the emotion.”
Of course, we don’t want to defer the silver linings conversation forever. It’s important to have this conversation when we are ready. However, trying to go there too soon can backfire, making our kids feel misunderstood as well as sad. Further, they may now feel bad about feel sad…
… keep reading the full & original article HERE