22 Dec What if you were to stop “trying” to be happy?
It’s sometimes said that happiness comes not from direct effort, but more so as a consequence of doing the right things.
I’m not entirely sure this is true, but I am sure that some of us get in our own way, that some of us try “too hard” and/or that some of us have unrealistic expectations making the experience of happiness difficult or impossible.
If any of this resonates with you then … read on
via Psychology Today by Jeffrey Nevid
KEY POINTS
- Happiness comes naturally from engaging the mind in rewarding activities.
- Trying to make oneself happy is like trying to force sleep; it doesn’t work.
- The pursuit of happiness involves finding ways to let happiness find oneself.
Source: geralt/Pixabay
To paraphrase that celebrated icon of popular culture, Yoda, there is no try. There is only do or don’t do.
Do you try to make yourself happy by thinking happy thoughts or repeating self-affirmations? Does it seem a bit, well, forced? How about putting on a happy face? Practicing smiling may temporarily boost your mood, as exercising the muscles used in smiling may evoke pleasant memories. But happiness is not likely to be sustained unless you engage in activities that can produce a smile of its own accord. A forced smile is not a genuine smile and trying to make yourself happy is more likely to lead to frustration than to any semblance of true happiness.
A Wandering Mind Is Not a Happy Mind
What about letting your mind wander as a way of escaping the trials and tribulations of daily life? Based on a Harvard study, it turns out that a wandering mind is not a happy one. In the study, people who rated their moods when their minds wandered were less happy than those who were engaged in mentally absorbing activities (Schenkman, 2010).
One problem with letting your mind wander is that your meandering mind might dwell on negative thoughts. The upshot of the Harvard study is that we feel happier when we focus on what we are doing at the moment, not by seeking a mental escape through daydreaming. A later study modified this conclusion in some respects (Westgate et al., 2021). These researchers found that thinking about experiences that are both pleasant and meaningful can be pleasurable. So you might feel better if you let your mind wander to personally meaningful experiences, such as a pleasant memory or a planned vacation. But trying is not part of the happiness equation. Trying involves making a focused effort to change your mood by force of will rather than seeking happiness through lived experiences.
A Happy Mind Is an Engaged Mind
We are happiest when we engage in activities that are meaningful and enjoyable. At those times, our attention is focused on what we are doing, not on trying to make ourselves happier. To put this in context, recall the happiest moments of your life. What were you doing? With whom were you sharing these experiences? Were you trying to be happy or did happiness find you?
The 19th-century British philosopher John Stuart Mill recognized that happiness comes from focusing outside of the self, as he expressed here in his 1873 Autobiography: “Those only are happy (I thought) who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, even on some art or pursuit, followed not as a means, but as itself an ideal end. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way.”
Happiness will find you when you pursue personally meaningful experiences that are ends in themselves. It comes from doing, not trying…
… keep reading the full & original article HERE