22 Aug HOW TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR FRIENDS
There’s no doubt you can be happy on your own. “Solo” pursuits such as reading and many other hobbies are, especially for those of us who’re more introverted and sensitive, essential for the calm some of us need to feel good.
At the same time, however, there’s absolutely no doubt that relationships are crucial for health and happiness and wellbeing.
Yet this isn’t always easy; and especially after what we’ve all been through these last few years, some of us need some help to get back out there and to connect with our friends and others …
via The Big Feels Club by Graham Panther
Bashful Buddies! Graham here.
Two of my oldest friends live about fifteen minutes from my house.
One of them I’ve known since we were both awkward teenagers, and his wife’s a dear friend too.
So of course I haven’t made an effort to see them in months.
This is something of a pattern for me. Some of my closest friends, I’ll go forever without contacting.
In part it’s just an age thing. Life gets in the way. You think fond thoughts of each other, and trust that when you do eventually catch up, you’ll pick up wherever you left off.
But it’s not just life that gets in the way. It’s also me that gets in the way sometimes. Here’s how…
DIFFERENT PARTS
The thing is, part of me can know that it’s completely fine, that no matter how long I go between drinks with close friends, we really will catch up just like we used to, when the timing is right. No one’s sitting there going ‘why hasn’t Graham made more of an effort??’
But then there’s this other part of me that isn’t so sure.
A part that wonders…
‘Does so and so really want to see me anymore?’
And of course, there’s the ever-ready guilt and self-judgement too, whispering in the wind…
‘Does leaving it this long actually reveal what a terrible friend I am, and they’ll finally figure that out??’
To the part of me that knows better, these sound like baseless fears. To the part of me that doesn’t know better, well, they’re enough to stop me reaching out even when I want to.
Perhaps you know this spiral. The longer it goes, the harder it is to send that simple ‘hey, how are things?’ message.
In my e-Book I call this the Cycle of Unbelonging…
… keep reading the full & original article HERE