How To Cultivate Self-Compassion For Success

How To Cultivate Self-Compassion For Success

By Sarah Jeanne Browne

“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self- compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.” —Dr. Kristin Neff

What Is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion is about listening to your needs and knowing what you deserve and honoring that. It’s about embracing who you are in this moment and being your most authentic self. It’s about leaving shame behind so you can succeed. And it’s about being kind to yourself and loving yourself unconditionally. 

Positive Psychology suggests that research shows although people value belonging, above all, they value their relationship with themselves. However, being self-compassionate doesn’t come naturally to everyone. In fact, most people find it difficult to see the positive qualities in themselves. It is difficult for many to see themselves as good, worthy, enough, deserving of happiness and difficult to allow themselves to be human. The inner critic shouts the loudest. But it does not have to have the final say. You do. You have more power than you know. It’s time to step into it. Recenter yourself and reclaim the narrative of your life. 

There are 3 ways to cultivate self-compassion for success:

1) Give Yourself Grace

“The butterfly does not look back at the caterpillar in shame.” —Anthony GucciardiRecommended For You

It’s time to be gentle with yourself and give yourself grace. Grace when you fall down. Grace when you want to give up. Grace when you can only see your imperfections. Grace when you feel at your worst. That’s when you need it most.

Grace is for when you need to take a break. This type of self-care is about resting, not quitting. Schedule time for yourself. This is about you, not what the world wants from you. Do what feels good for the soul.

Grace is also about self-forgiveness. Forgive yourself for not knowing before what you do now. For being imperfect. 

It’s not about perfection. It’s about progress. You don’t have to have it all together to be worthy. The world is not going to stop, sure, but that doesn’t mean you have to run like a machine. Let yourself feel, let yourself find out who you are. Nurture your needs.

When you give yourself grace, you must stop using the phrase, “I should be doing __.” This is because “Shoulding Yourself” is a type of negative self talk and a term coined by psychologist Clayton Barbeau. It’s when you judge where you are with where you think you should be. What you say to yourself matters, and if you’re constantly “shoulding” yourself, you’re actually saying all that you are not. This diminishes your self worth and makes it harder to achieve your goals. If you want to help yourself, accept who you are and where you are so you can make the most of it. It’s okay to have a preference as to will happen, but it’s not always productive to only think of yourself as that goal or attainment. 

Expect some setbacks. And know your comeback will surpass the struggles you have faced. Grace will give you back to yourself; and help you realize you’re not alone. We all could use a little grace…

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