5 things that are holding you back in life; and how to overcome them

Years ago, after being swindled by a business associate, I became so confused and angry that I hired a life coach. She listened compassionately while I whined, then said, “Martha, I want you to pick a day when you’ll be over this. It can be in a week or a year, but that will be your graduation day. Once it comes, you’re done with this subject.” I sort of missed the more therapeutic “Let’s examine every tiny nuance of your feelings,” but I gamely picked the next day. That night I complained one last time, then shut my pie hole and got on with life.

That graduation was more empowering than earning my PhD. It was so fortifying to achieve a degree of mastery over my self-pity that I went on to graduate from several other dysfunctional attitudes. In no case were years of grueling course work required. Since the word graduation comes from gradus, the Latin word for “step,” we might say we graduate every time we step forward without going back. If you’ve been specializing in any of the following difficult subjects, you too are probably ready to step into an advanced degree in happiness.

Self-criticism.

The single best way to improve our well-being is to show kindness toward ourselves and others. Since most of us have more difficulty with the former, I recommend that you focus first on graduating from self-criticism.

Think of something mean you tell yourself and choose a date to begin replacing that thought with a gentler option. Instead of fuming “I’m so stupid,” try saying “I’m overwhelmed, but if I relax and breathe, I can figure this out.” Instead of hating your body, pat it and say, “Thanks for being an incredibly complex machine that carries me through life.” You’ll find that kind thoughts lead to more profound wisdom than cruel ones…

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