07 Nov The secret to a happy relationship is not sex, it’s space!
Having enough space or privacy in a relationship is more important for a couple's happiness than having a good sex life, says psychologist.
by Sandy Smith from the SMH
When our daughter was six months old and we were struggling with the pressures of being new parents, my partner Stephen asked me if he could join a mountaineering expedition to Pakistan.
Not only would he be climbing a 7,000 metre mountain in a very remote part of the Karakoram, he would be away for four weeks and out of reach by phone or email for the duration of the trip.
While most of my new mum friends saw this as a clear case of abandonment and advised against it, I disagreed with them and said he should go. I knew climbing this mountain was a challenge he had always wanted to try. As well as making him happy, I was certain I would also enjoy the space and challenge of fending for myself for a while. I also believed one of the reasons we had stayed together was because we always gave each other the time and space to do the things we loved.
Having enough space or privacy in a relationship is more important for a couple's happiness than having a good sex life, according to Dr Terri Orbuch a psychologist, research professor at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research and author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.
Orbuch is an authority on marriage and divorce. Since 1990 she has been involved in a long-term US study of marriage called The Early Years of Marriage Project, which has been following the same 373 married couples for over 25 years. 46 per cent of the couples have since divorced.
During her research, Orbuch found that 29 per cent of spouses said they did not have enough "privacy or time for self" in their relationship, with more wives than husbands reporting not having enough space (31 per cent versus 26 per cent). Of those who reported being unhappy, 11.5 per cent said the reason was lack of privacy or time for self. This was a greater percentage than the 6 per cent who said they were unhappy with their sex lives.
So why is space so important in a relationship? "When partners have their own set of interests, friends, and time for self, that makes them happier and less bored," says Orbuch. "Time alone also gives partners time to process their thoughts, pursue hobbies and relax without responsibilities to others."
…keep reading the full and original article about long, lasting relationship based on happiness – HERE