16 Jun 5 cold hard truths on how to become a highly confident person
via the Ladders by Christopher D Connors
Confidence is attained when we’re prepared and self-aware enough to appreciate who we are — faults and all. Confidence is desired in all kinds of relationships, and it’s the ingredient that colors our view of ourselves, as well as how we are perceived by society. So, it is confidence that is worth cultivating and being, in order to live in each moment of the day.
What are the values that matter most to you? My values-structure is the core of my decision-making. As an author and executive coach, I focus on this with clients helping them build this foundation first.
As we continue moving forward in life, we should become more shrewd and selective with how we use our time. We can become better managers and more self-aware by using emotional intelligence to our advantage. When we do, we become more confident in who we are and have a much greater idea of what we want.
The centerpiece of most values-based structures is confidence. A major component of confidence is the value you place on yourself. Confidence is about the faith you have in your abilities, the person you are, and how you view your most important relationship — the one with yourself.
Confidence gives us the strength to pursue our romantic partner, it psyches us up to get the job or opportunity we’ve prepared and dreamed about. Confidence tells the story of who we truly are in the most authentic way possible. It is our representation of the way we want to be seen and how we want to see ourselves.
I’ve been tremendously blessed to have parents as role models who instilled confidence in me from a very early age and always told me, “The sky is the limit.” I’ve had great bosses that promoted my intellectual curiosity and let me “be me.”
I’ve always believed that I’m destined for great things, not out of conceit, but because I believe in myself and I have the confidence to pursue building the relationships, and accomplishing the goals I desire.
Your life will change when you adopt a mindset of, “I believe, I can and I will,” and cast aside the fears that are holding you back. I wanted to share five things that I truly believe will give you the confidence to accomplish anything you desire. Here they are:
1. Don’t pick apart every mistake or foolish thing you’ve done. Laugh at them and realize life isn’t always a “repair job” of everything you did wrong.
On your path to becoming more confident, self-assured, and successful, please make one promise to yourself: Stop beating yourself up over past mistakes and failures. Per Eric Barker, there’s tremendous value in being kind to yourself in an effort to build your confidence:
“In fact, one study, “Self-Compassion and Reactions to Unpleasant Self-Relevant Events: The Implications of Treating Oneself Kindly,” showed that people high in the trait had increased clarity. They saw themselves and the world more accurately but didn’t judge themselves as harshly when they failed.” Source: Eric Barker
I am the person I am because of the experiences I lived through. I don’t live with regret. I’ve learned from mistakes and failures but I’m completely at peace with all that has come and gone in my life. To the times I had fun, to the times that I suffered, it’s all good.
What about you? How do you make sense of your mistakes? How do you move on from the defeat and forward to victory?
Learning about our pasts, making sense of our experiences, both good and bad, offers us a treasure trove of knowledge, wisdom and insight that will carry us throughout our lifetimes. Keep maturing, keep growing, and don’t forget to laugh sometimes. Life is funnier that way.
2. You haven’t (yet) become what you thought you would. That’s okay. Accept it and make a difference.
Start with these three principles which will help you redefine your perception of yourself:
- Be happy with what you’re working on and doing. How you look is so little of what should have to do with your confidence
- Focus on the positive feedback you get and don’t harp on the negative
- It’s not about how anyone else sees you — it’s about how you see yourself
Realize that successes and failures will come and go all throughout your life. It’s what you take from both experiences that truly makes a difference. A Stanford University professor did the following study that showed:
After people succeed at something, it is especially important to have them focus on what things went wrong. They learn more than if they just focus on success (so, don’t just gloat and congratulate yourself about what you did right; focus on what could go even better next time).
When failure happens, the most important thing is to have an after event review to provoke sufficiently deep thinking — whether you talk about successes or failures is less important…
… keep reading the full & original article HERE
#confidence #confident #happiness #happy #positivepsychology