this is what you need to do if you feel like you’re going to lose it

this is what you need to do if you feel like you’re going to lose it

Are you happy all the time?

I’m pretty sure … not! it’s not normal to be happy all the time. In fact, no one enjoys happiness every minute of every day. Some people do experience more happiness than others; but we all get upset sometimes and we all, at times, feel like we’re going to “lose it”!

That’s OK. But next time it happens, try this…

via TED Ideas by Marc Brackett

When we’re overwhelmed by emotions, we’re usually not our best selves. We may blow up, say hurtful things or burst into tears. But what if we had a tool we could use to turn down the temperature at those times? Psychologist Marc Brackett has a helpful strategy.

As founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, psychologist Marc Brackett has devoted the past 25 years to conducting research and developing RULER, an evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning which has been integrated into more than 2,000 schools in the US and around the world. Here, he writes about a particularly useful tactic that all of us can use to defuse potentially destructive responses.

As we all know, our best attempts at calm, thoughtful reflection work only when we feel in control of our emotions. If you’re raging with resentment or crushed by disappointment, you’re probably not capable of the reasoning required to see a situation in a new light. You first need to bring down your emotional temperature, lower your activation, and give yourself the space required for rational thought. You might take a few deep breaths, a few steps back, a walk around the block.

Or, maybe you’re ready for the Meta-Moment. A decade ago, Robin Stern, psychoanalyst and associate director of our center, and I were wondering why so many people in our society are addicted to strategies that derail them from achieving their goals. Robin had worked with hundreds of patients who were unsuccessful even after learning new tactics, and I observed schoolchildren and educators who didn’t employ the strategies they were learning — even when they knew they were helpful…

…to read the full & original article, click HERE