16 Oct The *Secret* Way To An Awesome Life: 4 Insights Backed By Research
The title of this post is a bit misleading.
There are no secrets to happiness or to living a good life; if there were a secret it would be that there is no secret!
But there are strategies that have been proven to work for most people most of the time; to help them enjoy more happiness and success and to live better lives more often.
If that’s of interest to you, then check out this, yet another great article from Eric Barker …
I’ve got a secret.
In fact, I’ve got 13 of them. So do you. That’s the average number of secrets people say they have when surveyed. Five of them are “complete secrets” – you’ve never told anybody. And eight more are “confided secrets” – you’ve told at least one other person but won’t be going public with it anytime soon.
A study of 2000 people in the US revealed the most common types of secrets. 92% of the time secrets fit into these categories:
- Hurt another person (emotionally or physically)
- Illegal drug use, or abuse of a legal drug
- Habit or addiction (but not involving drugs)
- Theft
- Something illegal (other than drugs or theft).
- Physical self-harm
- Abortion
- A traumatic experience (other than the above)
- A lie
- A violation of someone’s trust (other than by a lie)
- Romantic desire (while single)
- Romantic discontent
- Extra-relational thoughts
- Emotional infidelity
- Infidelity
- A relationship with someone who is cheating on someone else to be with you
- Social discontent (unhappy with a friend, or unhappy with current social life)
- Physical discontent (dislike of appearance or something physical about yourself)
- Mental health struggles
- Inappropriate behavior at work or school (or lying to get hired or accepted)
- Poor performance at work or school
- Profession/work discontent (unhappy with your situation at work or school)
- A planned marriage proposal
- A planned surprise for someone (other than a marriage proposal)
- A hidden hobby or possession
- A hidden current (or past) relationship
- A family secret
- Pregnancy
- Orientation or gender identity
- Not having sex
- A hidden preference (or non-preference) for something
- A hidden belief (e.g., political, religious, views about social groups, prejudices)
- Finances (e.g., spending, amount of money you have)
- A hidden current (or past) employment or school activity
- An ambition, plan, or goal for yourself
- A specific story you keep secret (unrelated to the above)
Can you relate to any of the above? I’m guessing you can. (With apologies to Nietzsche, “When you stare into the internet, the internet stares also into you.”)
Here’s the thing: often, keeping secrets isn’t good for us. Especially the ones that nag at you. We don’t need to announce them on an LCD billboard in Times Square but we’d be better off if we opened up to someone. That’s not always an easy thing to do – so let’s find a way to make it easier.
We’re going to dive into the hidden world of secrets and get a better idea of how they work, how they make us feel, how we can cope and who we should talk to.
We’re going to get some help from the work of Michael Slepian. He’s a professor of leadership and ethics at Columbia University. He’s done an enormous amount of research on secrets (a Starbucks employee once confided in him that she gives decaf to customers that are rude to her.) His book is “The Secret Life of Secrets.”
Let’s get to it…
… keep reading the full & original article HERE